A Mawkish Proposal
by Deja Know I Been Lookin For Vu
Summary: William Collins comes with his father to visit the Bennets. Elizabeth is not glad to meet him. One-shot.


******Title: A Mawkish Proposal****  
********Author: Deja Vu****  
********Summary: William Collins comes with his father to visit the Bennets. Elizabeth is not glad to meet him. One-shot.****  
********Rating: No language, a tiny amount of "violence."****  
********Author's Thanks: **Thanks to Sillimaure for **********************************suggesting we make challenges for each other! I made this challenge, and this is my entry. ****Thanks as well to him for looking over this.  
************Characters: ****Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet, Mrs. Bennet, Jane, and William Collins and his father.**

****

"Why are you so glum, Papa?"

Mr. Bennet looked up from his desk to see his second-eldest daughter standing in the doorway of his library. She bore a look of concern on her face, and her question seemed to have been made in earnest. Though she was only ten years of age, he knew she was in possession of superior faculties of understanding, and so he brought himself to answer her honestly.

"It is this letter," responded Mr. Bennet, lifting the offensive piece of paper into the air for emphasis. "My cousin seems to be of the desire to effect a reconciliation between us." His countenance was grim.

"Is that not good, Papa?" asked his favorite daughter cautiously.

"No. It is not. You see, Lizzy, because I do not have a son, my estate is to be entailed to him." He paused thoughtfully and amended: "Well, likely to his son, William. The elder Mr. Collins is not strong of body, and I suspect he will not be living in this world much longer." He turned his eyes back down to the letter. "The very fact that he is coming here means he believes there will never be a male heir preventing his son from attaining Longbourn when I die." He closed his eyes, a pained expression coming over his face. "And I am afraid he is correct. I have doomed all of you, Lizzy. If I had only commenced financial preparations long before now—"

"Oh, Papa!" exclaimed Elizabeth. "Jane and I can take care of everyone. She is so handsome—I am sure she will marry someone with a great fortune. Surely she shall help us all!"

Her father opened his eyes and gave her a weak smile. "You are such a fine girl, Lizzy. You will certainly find a worthy husband yourself—though I am not certain if a man exists who I could possibly believe to be worthy of you." He sighed and buried his head in his hands. "I am only sorry that you are to pay for the sins of your father. But such is life, I am afraid. You must forgive your dear father for wallowing in his misery for a while. I certainly deserve it."

****

Mr. Collins and his son, William, were scheduled to arrive on what turned out to be a very beautiful day in May. The beauty of the day made Elizabeth feel somewhat discontent, for instead of being allowed to traipse through the countryside, as was her usual wont during such a time, she was being forced to listen to her mother's constant complaints about the cruelty of Mr. Bennet's cousins.

"Oh, what inhumane beasts these people are!" moaned Mrs. Bennet. "To come and gaze on Longbourn as if it were almost their very own—as if Mr. Bennet were on his deathbed. Why, it is cruel!" She began fanning herself heavily as she leaned back into the padding of the sofa. "I might be on my very own deathbed right now. If the estate were entailed through me to them instead of through Mr. Bennet, why, I am certain Longbourn might soon be in their grasp! And then where would you poor girls be? And little Lydia? And darling Kitty?"

"Mamma," said Jane soothingly, "I am sure you and Papa will live a great many years yet."

"Oh, Jane! How I wish this entail did not exist. Why, then Longbourn would belong entirely to you. That is how it should be! I think this entail business is utter nonsense!"

Elizabeth, trying to ignore her mother, moved to look out the window. She was just in time to see a carriage pulling up. It stopped, and a thin and feeble man with gray hair was helped out of it. He was soon followed by a somewhat corpulent boy of perhaps fifteen years of age with brown hair and broad hands. These, then, were the distant relations who would one day be in possession of her family home. With a sigh, she turned and informed her mother, Jane, and Mary of the arrival of their cousins. Lydia and Catherine were playing in the nursery—they were fortunately young enough to be excused from greeting visitors. How Elizabeth wished _she_ was!

There was a flurry of activity—and several more complaints from Mrs. Bennet—and then introductions were finally made between the Bennets and the Collinses. The cloud which had been hanging over Mr. Bennet since his receipt of the letter from Mr. Collins was still as thick as ever, and he spoke only the minimum number of words required of him by propriety.

They moved to the drawing room to allow Mr. Collins some time to rest before he was given a tour of their home, and Elizabeth soon grew bored. Finally, she requested leave to go outside, and William Collins, who had been staring at her for some time, quickly requested to go with her. Seeing no other possible option available, Elizabeth acquiesced.

"I have a bad feeling about this, Lizzy," whispered Jane as her sister stood.

Elizabeth gave her a dour look and mumbled back: "I certainly know _I'm_ going to regret this."

William followed Elizabeth outdoors in the same dogged fashion that a duckling follows its mother, though he was actually five years older than she was. While Elizabeth's strides were quicker, William's legs were unfortunately longer, which meant that he was able to maintain the same speed as Elizabeth. She had scarcely walked thirty steps before she reached the conclusion that he was loquacious, fawning, dull-witted, and the worst companion she had ever had.

"Cousin Elizabeth, I must say that the grounds are imbued with such munificent splendor! While I am not much of a walker—much to my determinedness,I am sure—I am certainly a proponent of the healthful benefits such activity may bring. Fresh air and exercise can bring color into the pale faces of many young girls—though you, of course, my fair cousin, do not need to worry about the complexity of your face."

Elizabeth stopped to stare at her cousin incredulously. "I certainly hope you mean 'complexion' rather than complexity, as I was not aware that my face was formed in an unusual way. Do you always speak in such a fashion?"

His large bushy eyebrows drew down together. "I am afraid I do not take your meaning."

She considered him for several seconds. Her father delighted in the foibles of others. Here was the perfect opportunity for some mischief—if she could pull some minor tricks on this ridiculous boy, then surely word would reach her father and perhaps extract him from his gloom. As garrulous as he was, surely William would run swiftly to Mr. Collins as soon as something went awry. And _his_ father would be certain to complain to _her_ father.

She began moving again, though her cousin was slow to restart his pace. "Do you wish to see our pond?" asked she.

"Ah, my dear cousin, that would be delightful, I am sure. The calm coolness of a clear body of water is suiting for the soul. I find that—" But he suddenly cut off with a loud shriek and a surprisingly high jump.

Mystified, Elizabeth turned and followed his gaze to the ground. There, nestled in the grass, was a small and motionless reptile.

"Why, it is just a tortoise—it is not a snake," said Elizabeth. "You need not be frightened."

But William shook his head vehemently and commenced backing away. At last, he told her: "Reptiles are most vile creatures. You must never reproach them, my fair cousin."

With some amusement, Elizabeth knelt beside the tortoise and reached out a finger to touch its back. As she did so, the creature retreated into its shell, and her cousin let out a loud gasp.

"Eli—Elizabeth," stuttered he, "what are you doing?"

She mirthfully stroked the animal's shell a few times before standing. She lifted a hand to her mouth to cover her smirk and suggested: "Let us continue to the pond, then."

Giving the reptile in the grass a wide birth, her cousin concurred, and they resumed their journey to the pond, William Collins chatting cheerfully all the while.

When at last they reached their destination, Elizabeth began scouring the surrounding area with her eyes. The heavy-looking boy started rambling about the "picaresque" nature of the site, but Elizabeth continued her hunt. At last a smile touched her face, and she took out her handkerchief. She had spent quite some time embroidering tiny flowers in the corner of it, and though her mother had compared it rather unfavorably to Jane's, Elizabeth herself thought it handsome. Now, however, she cared about its function rather than its beauty, and she reached down to pick up something with it which she quickly covered.

She turned to her cousin with her hands cupped and said: "I have something for you."

"Oh, you do not need to give me anything, Cousin Elizabeth," insisted William as he eagerly took the package from her. A few seconds later, he had peeled back the handkerchief and dropped its contents with something akin to a scream. As the unassuming frog that had been his "gift" hopped away from him, he sprinted off to the other side of the pond.

Elizabeth looked over at him with a quirked lip. "I thought you just disliked reptiles. Frogs, you know, _cousin_, are amphibians."

"It does not matter if they are amph—amph—"

"Amphibians," supplied Elizabeth. "Really, cousin, you should concentrate on improving your speech. You spout off more malapropisms than Dogberry."

His face red, William Collins told her, "I am afraid I do not know what you are talking about."

"Do not use words unless you are certain you know what they mean," advised his cousin. "Otherwise, you will sound like a pompous fool." She omitted telling him that he truly was a pompous fool.

"I am sorry my speech offends you," said he stiffly.

She walked around the pond to stand beside him. She was just beginning to feel guilty about what she had said when he told her:

"But I assure you that when I inherit Longbourn, I shall certainly see that I am better educated, Cousin Elizabeth. And if, when you are old enough, you should decide to be my wife, we could then completely heal the rift between our families. At that point, I am sure, you shall not care what I say—you will simply rejoice in the harmony which we are bringing to our families."

Elizabeth pushed him into the pond.

****

William came up, sputtering, and watched as his young cousin marched away from him. Dripping wet, he climbed out of the water and tried to wring out his clothes a little. He noticed something white on the ground, and he bent down to pick up the handkerchief he had dropped not long before. He put it in his pocket determinedly. His cousin was perhaps a little immature now, but she would one day certainly see the sense in his proposal. Her family was not wealthy—she did not have much of a dowry to speak of. And it was certainly unlikely that she would ever receive a better offer.

****

Elizabeth was fuming as she walked up to the front door of the Longbourn home. She had no words to describe the rage she felt toward her cousin. Marry him, indeed! Why, she never intended to marry at all! Jane would do well enough to afford her some comfort—marriage was of absolutely no use to Elizabeth. She would rather marry the frog she had held in her hands than her cousin. He would certainly make a better prince! She scowled and walked through the door. She would one day marry a man who was a hundred times the quality of William Collins. He would be handsome and tall—and he would know how to properly pronounce "complexion." And if he happened to have a beautiful estate that she could enjoy walking upon—why, then he would be the perfect man indeed!

****

**Fandom: Pride and Prejudice  
Character Requirement: Elizabeth Bennet  
Age Requirement: None.  
AU Allowed?: Yes.  
Quote Requirement: "I have a bad feeling about this…" –or– "I'm going to regret this."  
Object Requirement: A handkerchief.  
Romance Requirement: None.  
Required Scenario: One of the characters of Pride and Prejudice gets into some mischief.  
Word Limit: 3,000 words.  
Extra Notes: This can work as a sort of warm-up challenge for someone who hasn't written any Jane Austen before—or who has written very little.**


End file.
